I’m confused.
I know, I know, I’m a dog. It’s not that easy to confuse me, but here’s the deal.
I just read in the paper that Catholic Charities of Boston has halted the adoptions of all its children in order to circumvent Massachusetts’s anti-discrimination laws. Put another way: the Diocese of Boston would rather NO children find a safe, permanent home and family than place a child with a same-sex couple.
So I’m confused. I live with two mommies. And I suppose because I’m a dog, this is okay. But I can’t see why a little boy or little girl with no mommy and daddy couldn’t live here with us. Well, sure, the child would probably take up more of their time and get to go places I couldn’t go, like school and inside the mall and restaurants – so, sure, I’d be a little jealous. But, doesn’t raising a child take a lot of love and patience and generosity of spirit (and not just a few bucks)?
Anti-adoption proponents make it seem like gay couples just up and decided one day – hmmm, we should go pick ourselves up a little kid – you know, like some people up and decide one day to purchase a handbag or designer pet (don’t get me started on THOSE people). It takes a little bit of planning and a whole lot of soul searching to decide to adopt. Hell, it’s easier nowadays to use a turkey baster and parenting buddies, than to decide to open your home to a hard-to-place child that’s been a ward of the System.
My mommies are pretty young but have been together for seven years (on Friday). They have a comfortable home and now are both employed in good, stable jobs. For many years, they have said that, while their individual genes would produced one heckuva good looking baby, if they were ever to parent, it would be through adoption – solely because there were TOO many children out there who needed homes.
Momma B is from Florida, the state where Anita Bryant “saved the children,” and gays are now banned from adopting. If there is ANYTHING good to come out of this Massachusetts thing, it’s the awareness of these various states that already have these discriminatory laws on the books.
Momma C grew up Catholic and tried to hold on to that faith for as long as possible. And while there are many American Catholics fighting for justice (not just on this issue), she could no longer stand the “spiritual violence” perpetrated through the mandates of its patriarchy. She and Momma B have found a wonderful new, yet challenging, spiritual home within Momma B’s home faith (PC(USA), which consequently is having its own battles in the realm of LGBT issues – the difference being the structure of the denomination allows for this dialogue on social change to even exist)). But they participate fully in the life of the church, go to Sunday school - Momma C is even in the choir.
So, see, I’m confused. As I’ve mentioned before, when my Momma’s are away, I sneak a peek at that Maury Povich on TV, and it appears that heterosexual couples sometimes don’t even WANT their babies. They “accidentally” make them all the time, it seems. When they’re not ready. When they have no support network of extended family and community. Warm home? Decent job?
Talk about “spiritual violence!” What these folks are saying is that my Mommas are not fit to raise a child. Even though Momma C has had classrooms full of children in her charge, they're saying, just don’t bring any of them home! Don’t love them! Don’t care for them!
Long long ago, before Momma C had the crazy idea of becoming a non-profit auditor, she had dreamed of being a producer of children’s programming on PBS. After some college, she thought of writing children’s books. When she came out as a lesbian, she was so scared that they (some nebulous “they” she could never articulated) wouldn’t let her near kids again, based on some of the stories she’d heard - parents getting their own biological children taken away from them “because.” But these fears turned out to be unfounded. She got many jobs working, inspiring, teaching young people. It was, as they say, “all good.”
But now, she is fearful again. She and Momma B had not planned on adopting until they were much more settled; Momma B wants to go to law school, after all. (You see, Momma B is nothing to sneeze at either – as her family likes to say, she earns the karma points for ALL of us, directing a non-profit that coordinates funding for people living with HIV/AIDS and ALL that that entails. Law school would make her just that much better an advocate.) (Momma B told me that back at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, gay couples started adopting because they were the only folks that WOULD TAKE an infected child. Adoption policy folks, we suppose, thought that would be okay because the child wouldn’t live very long!) Where was I…?
Oh, yes, Momma C is fearful again. The Far Right and Christian Conservatives (once again undermining the idea of “moral values”) are trying to make this the new front in the “Culture Wars.”
Well, I say “BRING IT”! As a pup, I stayed somewhat out of the marriage thing. Dogs can’t marry. My parents weren't married. Not my issue.
But I know, from first hand experience, what good parents I have. I cannot believe that anyone in their right mind (left mind?) or anyone with any REAL moral decency would prevent them from adopting a child that needed a permanent loving home. BRING IT!
I cannot believe that anyone that knows my parents would think that they could not provide a safe environment for a young person to develop into a decent upstanding citizen.
BRING IT!
I cannot believe that a church purports to be doing this “for the children because they don’t have any say in the matter” (as oppose to when they “choose” to be born into violent and abusive families).
BRING IT!
You really want to make this the battleground?
You ain’t see nothing yet.